Ang ngongo at binge!

Sabi ng ngongong pasahero sa bus, “Mama, mara lang a tami!”

Hindi huminto ang bus.

“Mama, mara!” sabi ng ngongong pasahero.

Tuluy-tuloy pa rin ang bus.

“MAMA! INAMI NANG MARA, EH!” sigaw ng ngongong pasahero.

Tumigil ang bus. Paliwanag ng driver, “Ori, a! Aaala o, niloloo mo lang ao, e!”

 ————————ahehe eto pa!————————–
Dalawang binge nagkasalubong:
BINGI 1:oh pare bkit may dala kang basket punta ka bang palengke?
BINGI 2:hinde!!!punta lang akong palengke..
BINGI 1:ahhh!!!kala ko punta kang palengke.!!:D
Joke courtesy of Junnel Babejes on Facebook.

You Bird Brain You!

BAHALA NA SI BATMAN!

Photo courtesy of H. Yambot on Facebook.

Try to pick a comback for this…

U’R LIKE MY KULANGOT BEC. U’R HARD TO GET.

Submitted by Afro.

Corny Pinoy Pick Up Lines

Minamalat na naman ang puso ko.
Paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo.

Uy, picture tayo!
Para ma-develop tayo!

Lecture mo ba ako?
Lab kasi kita.

Pwede ba kita maging driver?
Para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko.

Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard?
Kasi type kita.

I hate to say this, but… you are like my underwear.
‘Coz i can’t last a day without you!

P’wede ba kitang maging sidecar?
Single kasi ako eh.

May lisensya ka ba?
‘Coz you’re driving me crazy.

May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo?
May sira ata relo ko. Pag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras.

Am I a bad shooter?
‘Coz i keep on missing you.

Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight?
O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako?

Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh?
Kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad.

Excuse me, are you a dictionary?
Because you give meaning to my life.

Bangin ka ba?
Nahuhulog kasi ako sa’yo.

Pustiso ka ba?
Kasi i can’t smile without you.

Pagod na pagod ka na noh?
Maghapon at magdamag ka na kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh.

Anong height mo?
Ha?! Pano ka nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko?

Sana T na lang ako.
Para I’m always right next to U

Are you Jamaican??
Kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

Ako ay isang exam.
Kaya sagutin mo na ako.

Hinde tayo tao. Hinde tayo hayop.
Bagay tayo. Bagay talaga tayo.

Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola?
Ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko.

Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashu-shoot ba kita?
Hindi, para lagi kita mamimiss.

Can i take your picture?
Coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for Christmas!

Exam ka ba?
Gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!

Mahilig ka ba sa asukal?
Ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo.

Ibibili kita ng salbabida.
Kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko.

I’m a bee.
Can you be my honey?

Nakakatakot di ba ang multo?
Pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko.

May butas ba puso mo?
Kasi natrap na ako sa loob, can’t find my way out!

Hey, did you fart?
Coz you blew me away!

Favorite subject mo ba Geometry.
Kasi kahit saang angle ka tignan ang ganda mo eh!

Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh? hahaha! May alam ka pa bang iba?
Wala na akong maisip eh.
Coz all i ever think of is you.

Repost from jonas.ph

Let me just told you a story..

It was jazz an ordinary day. the skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries.
Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Cholengggggggggg. ……” Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

“Kamusta na Choleng? Do you come here open? tanong nya.

 “Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh” sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he’s every woman’s dreamboat.

I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

“Tanghali na Choleng. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong.

“I don’t mine” sagot ko.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter.

“What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

“Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong.

“Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully” dagdag niya.

“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm… mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

“I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run.

“Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko.

“Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. i don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ako.

I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt.

Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

“Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard.

“Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya.

“Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.”

“Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.”

“Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

“Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Choleng. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable.

My world started falling afar.

Then suddenly, Jay come from behind!

Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way.

“Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” b

ago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:

“I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I’m on cloud…

Note submitted by Emerald Ventura via Jax Floro link.

Hey.. I’m just sayin..

WORDS OF WISDOM..

– Ang buhay parang bato…

          It’s hard.

– Behind the clouds…

          Are more clouds.

– Pag may usok…

          May nagiihaw.

– Kapag may isinuksok at walang madukot…

          May mandurukot.

– Huli man at magaling…

         Undertime pa rin.

– Kapag maikli na ang kumot…

          Sikreto mo ay Cherifer na gamot.

– When it rains…

           It floods.

– An apple a day…

         Is too expensive.

– Aanhin pa ang damo…

         Kung ang garden ay sementado.

List courtesy of Leyslee.

Dahil mainit sa Pinas…

“ANG TAONG NAGLALAKAD NG MATULIN, PAWISIN”

 

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